I've decided to post in dedication to my superman, Jeremy.  Woowee!

Okay, so this has nothing to do with him/you, if you're reading.  But it's still in dedication of him/you.

I can't wait to be married.  All in all.  Doesn't mean I'm looking for some amazing guy, it just means I can't wait!  And it doesn't mean I'm emo or sad, it just means I'm excited and not self-concious and depressed.  I'm just really looking forward to it!  And that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to dating you or any other guy either!

AND I can't wait to be a momma! 

So don't hit on me, that's my conclusion!

"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?"
                                         ---- Jeremiah 17:9

God, You know my heart, and thank You so much.  Forgive me for allowing myself to attach it to something else.  Then pain is...painful....yes, that's the word :)

Oh God, be strong in me.  I'm so hurt.

Jesus, I cling to You, and this "cross" is but a feather before your bearings.  And before Your glory, who am I to be hurt?  Thank You for what You've done.

Look at You.  You are beautiful.  ((Did anybody ever tell You, You have the most beautiful face?))

People who listen really aren't heard by anybody breathing.

People who listen are looked at as listeners, and not people who die inside to express themselves.

Do you hear me?

Why won't you hear me??

None of you do, none of you will, because only Christ has enough manners.

But if you have Christ in you, doesn't that mean you should be willing too?
I thank God for God.  Only He satisfies, and I believe that feeling it's by blind faith, but I know I can see.

(((But believe it or not, I'm hurting.  And I want help.  My heart is crying out for it.  So much that I put this crap on xanga.  But in me I say, "Jacqui, get real.  Who's your Daddy?"  Amen, and amen.)))

But don't feel bad, I put up a good, thick mask.  I can fool you.  Yep, there's deceit in me.  (I'm sorry)

Some Wednesday of my Life...

  Thus the story goes....
          but I am very thankful for this comfortable carpet
          surrounded by literature--a wonderful claim for element,
          but clearly not mine ((at all))

  You still make the pain awfully beautiful!
        I cry in my heart
              ...the question "WHY" resounds in me. 
              Yet it's your life I live.

((self to self:  Hold your head up high!))
Christ to self:  Look at Me, My beautiful bride.

self to self:   I have found Love, I have found Life!
                Why would I waste my "strength" on lifting my head
    when I can fall at the feet of my Jesus?!

...silly flesh...
((sheesh))

I DEVOTE THIS BODY, THIS HEART, THIS MIND, TO THE WORK OF YOUR GOSPEL AND THE FURTHERANCE OF YOUR KINGDOM.

Hmmm.  Today was so confusing yet wonderful and awkward and I just don't know how to describe it or what mood I'm in.  I'm thankful I'm alive, and I can spend each breath on my Abba.  I know that.  So that's good.

I'm thankful for my best friend Tim, and for my wonderful girls at NBC.  I'm thankful for my CCBC friends and my amazing family.  I love my life, but only because it's Christ's.  I honestly don't think I'd love it apart from Him.

He awakens me to see the beauty behind all the filth and to see the bright behind the dirty.  I couldn't do that.

Like now.  I probably got in three serious no-good discussions today that would leave me crying, and did, but there's beauty behind it.  Motives are so underrated nowadays.  Yet, they can be so beautiful and touching if we take the time to understand.

People are beautiful, and I just love people.  God is amazing to design even just five of us completely different, yet there's over two billion of us.  Talk about creativity.  I want that.  I want to be like Him.  I want to show people the true love of Christ, and that was my motive today, but I think in some cases I took the wrong action.

But my motives were pure I promise.  I'm sorry to those I let down.  I'm not sad though, I praise God for His grace and beauty.  And for my best friend.  I am in love.